Shaking and laughing and screaming at your “deck”-ness.

For no real comprehensive reason, this postcard made me extremely happy. I’m assuming that this postcard was intended to put a smile on someone’s face, but my reaction was not to the sweetness of the couple. As I said, I don’t have a reason comprehensive enough for me to articulate. It just made me happy, even though there isn’t anyone that I’m infatuated with right now. Seriously. Whoever said that absence makes the heart grow fonder is a liar. Prolonged absence causes distance, which in effect allows a person to explore other aspects of life and spend time with other people, which can cause that person to lose interest, if not forget in entirety, in the other person. That’s how it worked for me, at least. I’m fascinated in the reality that I am atypically complacent with that idea.

Last night I fell asleep past one a.m., I’m not sure when exactly, but all I know for sure is that I woke up at 3 and have been awake since. It was the first time I’d seen the morning in a while, the first time I ate a decent breakfast. It was refreshing, despite the fact that I have an unnecessary lack of sleep. What kept me up was the long-running thought that I need to go shopping, desperately. I don’t even need to make a list of things that my wardrobe lacks/I need; besides, this isn’t just about the things that I need. I honestly believe that aside from my closet’s lack of quality basics, my wardrobe at its current state does not reflect my personality accurately. I need some change, please.

Despite today’s unproductivity as a day spent criticising scenesters and window shopping online, I was able to start the day by finishing off Chuck Palahniuk’s novel, Pygmy. Though I’m not fond of happy endings in Palahniuk novels, Pygmy was definitely a fun read that was quirky, humorous, and contained Palahniuk’s signature brand of satire. Another hint of productivity today came with a visit to the dentist. I had my teeth professionally cleaned for the first time in a while and got a couple of new fillings. Thankfully I didn’t get to taste the bitter blue stuff today. Also, I’m glad I got the dental stuff finished before school.

Speaking of which, I shall officially be a junior in nine days. Mixed emotions consume me.

At this point in time, I still believe that hipsters suck. They can all wallow in their postmodernism and shop American Apparel while listening to whatever Pitchfork tells them to while appearing nonchalant and indifferent to the consumerism that surrounds them. Hipsters. They give emo kids personality. Also, the sky is blue.

x

p.s. I’m finally sharing INTERESTSINCLUDE with people. Since sharing is caring and whatnot.

That article won’t write itself, but…

Today I did absolutely nothing. The doodles in my Physics notebook are proof. (Evidence later.)

But here. These are my top five things to do this summer. No deadlines. No editors breathing down my neck. I love being able to write what I want. I’m pretty sure that I’m not interning in school anymore, what with the question of transport and all (as well as the likelihood of me un-committing myself), and I’m sad to say that for the same reason I’m most likely not learning Japanese.  So it’s pretty much gonna be a “usual” summer for me. WHAT. EVER. I’ll still make some good out of it. I find ways. I always do.

1. Sleep. Honestly, this list would be incomplete without stating the importance of catch-up time. Anyone who thinks that using summer to regain lost hours of sleep is either high or lying, even moreso if that person is an IB student. Call it superficial, call it boring, but I’m definitely sleeping in on the first night of summer. And unless I have someone important to talk to I’ll try to get off the computer before ten.
2. Spend at least 8 hours in front of the computer every day. I don’t have a life, and I’m not going to any awesome foreign city this summer, either, so I channel all my boredom into computer time like I always do. Drinking at least two litres of iced tea a day I’ll be on the lookout for new music (as usual) and I’ll blog endlessly about whatever catches my attention. Even the fly on the wall. For Of course, there’s Facebook and MSN, and I won’t let those two slip from my daily schedule. The BS part is that my siblings will be in school by then, so my online time will probably be confined to day hours. FML
3. Get fit. I don’t want to be a fatty in August, and I’m pretty sure that whatever physical state I’m in by the time school kicks in will stay the same through September (when I turn 17) and October (when I visit Singapore). Since (1) I won’t have any more PE for the rest of the year and (2) I’m useless at all sports, I’m pretty much screwed. But I’m mentally set to find something.
4. Go shopping. When my grandparents get back from the States in July I’m definitely nagging for a shopping day. I’m sick of my wardrobe and it definitely needs a change. Unfortunately, my parents are too lazy or broke to every buy me anything. But change has to come to my closet. END OF SEASON SALE, anyone?
5. Try to have as many “happy days” as possible, because I know I’ll have less of them when junior year kicks in. Already I’m having second thoughts about the junior year excitement that I’ve been feeling during the past few weeks. I guess I’m just trying to be positive because I really want junior year to NOT SUCK, ‘specially since I have a lot to look forward to during the first half of it. I don’t have to remind myself all the time but it all happens subconsciously, anyway:
   • School in August
   • Seventeen in September
   • Singapore in October

I’m getting into summer mode too early for my life. But whatever. I have seven more days of school. And then two months of sort-of-freedom. Sort of.

♥.xx

Growing impatient.

a.k.a. another random entry about nothing

I have decided to write a new “About Me” on Facebook. Although it doesn’t really show much about me aside from my perky/weird/angry side, it’s a lot better than the old “About Me” which was composed entirely of other people’s quotations.

I find it strange that even though last week’s concert felt like one of my greatest dreams had been realised, I didn’t really bother to write about it. I don’t even have an album on Facebook. I guess watching the Davids — and Michael — live served as some sort of closure to my Idoling, which is good, considering how much AI destroyed my life in the past year.

—Side note:: YAY, PAPA KRIS WON!! I knew he could do it!!—

Earlier, I paid a visit to Tyler Shields’ portfolio yet again and I saw this photo of Juno Temple (left). For some strange reason, it made me so inexplicably happy. I don’t think it’s because i like blood. It’s a pretty dramatic photo, not unlike the rest of Tyler Shields’ work.

Tyler Shields’ awesomeness aside, the fact still stands that I still can’t whistle or ride a bike. Yesterday while watching Teeth I got pretty annoyed watching that blonde chicken cruncher Dawn on her bicycle. Because I really can’t bike to save my life. It’s depressing.

And a few more random updates..

• the Singapore trip in October is happening for sure.
• Angels and Demons is an awesome movie.
• Teeth is freaky. I finally got to watch it.
• I haven’t done any real Math work since the portfolio. Hence, I am screwed.
• NINE. MORE. DAYS. OF. SCHOOOL.♥

Protected: what i have accomplished thus far..

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Fail, fail, and… oh, look, MORE FAIL.

Now is the time for me to list down every single fail that has happened this week (as well as, of course, some of the nonfails, but the fails are worse).

FAIL NUMBER ONE, which is an ongoing fail, is my home internet’s failure to function. The connection has been mysteriously dead since Sunday night, and the myDSL team seems to be doing absolutely nothing about it. This is extremely irritating because one, I have work to do and two, I have been slowly dying due to my lack of MSN time. It is excruciatingly painful having to go through the last two (and when I get home, it will be three) days without access to the internet. The only reason why my Facebook notifications haven’t piled up is because Paulina (who is very awesome in every single way except when she nags me about that thing that I shouldn’t be doing very much even though I do it anyway) lets me use her Mac in Filipino class. I’m 100% positive that the internet fail has to do with the physical cable connection. However, this can’t really be proven until the silly DSL people actually come over to my house and check it out. GAH!!

FAIL NUMBER TWO, today was class council elections day. The results won’t be out until about 40 minutes from now (and because I won’t have an internet connection at home I won’t be able to update this post). The fail of the day was a candidate calling a teacher by another teacher’s name. Twice. I’m not going into any further detail into this but it was hilarious, and I hope he wins as President.

FAIL NUMBER THREE, Danny Gokey screaming the most horridious note that has ever existed on American Idol. I’m watching the show at about 6 tonight, and I can’t wait to see the entire episode (even though my two papa UNFs, Danny Gokey and Kris Allen, apparently failed at life and are most likely to be bottom 2 this week, with Papa Kris getting the boot, which would be extremely depressing because he is so much better than Allison freaking Iraheta).
In Fil class I watched the YouTube video of his performance of Aerosmith’s “Dream On” — seriously, that song was way too big for him, and I really don’t think that these people should be singing songs that were performed last season. I can still remember Michael Johns singing that song upon his elimination. Baaaaaaad times. And then Danny comes along, sings the song no better than Michael did (actually, Danny sang it horribly), and ends it with this screeching last note that sounds like a pig being raped. I’m sorry, but as much as I love Danny, that note made me ROFL and then die in my seat.

 

WAIT WAIT WAIT ACTUALLY OKAY WAIT SOME UNFAIL POINTS RIGHT NOW. PAULINA IS THE MOST AMAZING PERSON IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. (i love coho and shummer too but like OMG OMG OMG OH MY DAYS THIS IS TOO GOOD)

UNFAIL POINT ONE: Not failing Physics and Geo exams. Got an A- in Physics and an A on the Geo. Even though I’m gonna fail Math (I was bound for it), at least I didn’t fail the other two. Sorry, I’m really really spazzing out right now.

UNFAIL POINT NUMBER TWO. MINA SAID I CAN GO TO THE DAVIDS. OMGOGMOMGO O ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY :):):):) I LOVE HER

The end.

Broadway shows may come and go, but RENT is love. Forever.

Physics revision can take a break. Time for a disorganised blather of thought about the only constant in my life.

Today, instead of studying, the first thing I did when I came home from school was watch Rent for the first time in more than a year (I lied on my Film blog). I guess that distance really does make us wise. Watching it over again for a more-than-hundredth time, I have never been so emotionally moved by that film. Watching it over again I realised how much Rent actually has changed my life and the way I view certain things. (It isn’t just the musical that “corrupted” me, okay.) Watching it over again, I was able to appreciate it at a level like never before.

I have never “teared up” when watching Rent. If there was a tear, there would be actual crying. Rent is the only film that has made me so open emotionally; I have never cried so much for a movie before, and today I cried more than ever. I cried during the first scene, even, while the 8-piece main cast sang “Seasons of Love” onstage in an empty theatre. It was probably the whole thought of watching this film again after such a long time that got me emotional; I used to watch Rent more than once a day in 2006. And during those scenes when I normally cried — “Without You”, “I’ll Cover You (Reprise)”, “Goodbye Love”, “Finale B” — I cried more than I usually did. And by the time the last shot of Angel came up, my face was soaked and it took me a while to compose myself and hit the “Eject” button on my DVD player. If that doesn’t make Rent‘s effect on me crystal clear, I don’t know what else can.

So Rent is the Tony-winning, Pulitzer Prize-winning [former D:] Broadway musical-turned-2005-film about a year in the lives of bohemians living in New York City from 1989 to 1990. To state the film’s conflict would basically entail listing down every problem a person could possibly have at the time (as an East Village bohemian) and putting them all together. IMdB it, Wiki it, it’s worth watching to say the least.

And to say just how much it has moved me and affected me over the past three-ish years would take a while to actually articulate.

It’s probably safe for me to say that Rent just might be one of the few constants in my life, even though I have never seen the stage musical (and probably never will, since the show has been closed since September 2008). I have the massive black book on it, the DVD (I have the widescreen and the full screen 2-disc editions) and both soundtracks. In some ways, Rent has been my bible, but that doesn’t mean that I’m gonna go out and have sex and turn into an HIV-positive lesbian junkie.

For one, Rent made me value time more. The past three years have gone by faster than the others. It’s January, then it’s summer, then it’s Christmas all over again. The story of Rent showed me how much a year can affect the lives of people, how easily friendships and relationships can be made, lost and destroyed forever. Since Rent I’ve valued my friends a lot more than before. I guess that’s why I’m usually sadder most other people when I find out that a close friend is leaving, or at least when I know that I’m about to distance myself from a friend by at least a thousand miles.

Rent taught me to love more (though I have to work on that again), and not to let the troubles of life get the best of me (though they have at times recently). I realised that since the last time I saw Rent I haven’t been very good at upholding the lessons I supposedly learned from it. And now that I have watched it again, and burst into song again, and cried over it again, I will remember to keep those lessons in mind.

There’s only now. There’s only here. Give in to love or live in fear. No other path. No other way. No day but today. That’s the anthem of my life.

Protected: once again we sit in silence

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